Sincere Smile
by aruhi
Summary: [CCD - SuohNokoru] Are you ready to give up your own future for the person you love the most, just to see him smiles again? Suoh pondered. [Semi-AU - Shounen-Ai]


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DISCLAIMER: _CLAMP Gakuen Tanteidan _and all it's characters belong to the four talented women known as **CLAMP**. This fc is only written due to the excessive thoughts I have regarding this coupling so don't sue me!

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WARNING: This fic contains **MILD SHOUNEN-AI **content, meaning _boy/boy relationship_, particularly between Suoh and Nokoru. So if you don't like the image of this two being couples, don't read this fic. Also, this fic is **semi-AU**, ( especially to that _accident _part. ) but if you look at it closely, it's still the same ^__^. Thus, with that said, I hope everyone understands this and won't bother doing * cough * **flames *** cough* at all.

Now, onto the fic! ^___^

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SINCERE SMILE

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"In order to know love, you will experience being hurt. Though it can't be seen by your eyes, though it can't be held in your hand, surely, things will go well." 

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~ GIFT by Maaya Sakamoto ( CLAMP Gakuen Tanteidan's 2nd ending song )

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Sometimes I wonder if I am worthy to become your protector. After all, I failed to protect you, right? But you never let me go. You told me that I have done my job correctly, that I never failed you at all, that I should have chosen a better _One_...

That it was your entire **fault** why you became like this.

It was then that I start to get mad at you. Why? Because after all you've been through, you still manage to blame yourself about it. It's ironic and too martyr for someone who's great as you, and you don't deserve them at all.

I deserve them all. Not only as your protector, but as your _best_ friend as well.

Again, you stopped me and shook your head, brightly smiling at me like you always do. You told me that I have a lot of burden to assist, and to add you as one is wrong. But you never been a burden to me. If only you know how much you are meant to me.

Then I thought, since when did you stopped caring for others? You always put others' happiness before yourself. It's too much. I want to strangle you for that and hit your large, thick skull many times so that you will be awaken from your own selflessness...

But I can't.

It's impossible, I know. That's why you're here right now, silently dealing with all your problems alone.

As I entered that serene place known as your room, I quickly searched for your whereabouts and noticed that you were still in that same position as I see you everyday.

You're sitting in your bed with the blanket placed just below your stomach, gripping it like it was the only thing that made you believe that you are still _existing_.

Which, perhaps, has already lost it's meaning to you.

And this hurts me more than it hurts you.

I placed the sun flowers in the small vase next to your bed. The flower that you always adored and love, the flower that bind us together as we are now. It seems like you heard me move, and I smiled, seeing your senses still doesn't failed you except for that certain _part_. You raised your head, trying your best to catch me by luck, which is futile if you ask me.

"Is that you, Suoh?" Your sweet and gentle voice suddenly filled the room, and for me, it's like a song I won't probably get tired of hearing. I smiled again when I saw you attempt to reach your hands to mine, and the next thing I knew, I was already there beside you, kissing your delicate hands and placing them to my own cheeks. 

"Yes, Nokoru. I am here." I answered, calling your name like I have known you for so long. Which I do, and I know you love it too.

And we were doing the same things again. You touched my face - it was your way to scrutinize me - with your own hands, wanting to know whether I am real or not. Then you stopped, reaching that part you always love to touch.

My lips.

You know exactly how to tease me, ne, Nokoru?

I blushed and I think you know that because you smiled, though it was no longer the same smile I used to love before.

I looked up to meet your cold eyes again. Cold isn't the right term for you, you know. You're always been the bright and cheerful type of person, but as much as I hate to admit it, you possessed them. And I returned from being nausea again. [1]

The memory began to flood in my mind once more, showing them to me in a fast forward mode. The way that _swift_ accident brought you like this, taking everything there was in your life. Those clear azure eyes that I began to love suddenly taken away from you...

It's unfair, don't you think? But you want that to happen.

After all, you cannot afford hearing or seeing a lady cry. It was against your policy and knowing they will, it will torn you apart.

That's why you let them take away your own beautiful eyes, taking away the thing that you know would make you stop from being an Imonoyama Nokoru.

But it's okay for you. Foolish, isn't it?

"By the way, I brought some sun flowers for you." I snapped and I saw you raised your brows in confusion, noticing the sudden change of my mood. "I know you love them, so I bought one."

"Thank you, but..." Your smile suddenly faded as you lowered your head. "... You shouldn't have to, you know..."

I looked at you, startled. Your voice was filled with despair. Is that you? As far as I know, the Nokoru I knew never loses his hope, whatever circumstances he was in. Didn't you tell me about that?

But then, instead of telling you those, I decided to shut up. Whatever you do, you're still a human. Capable of being weak and vulnerable, capable of being in pain and in sorrow. So I decided to use the next thing I know I can do.

To hug you.

After all, that's the only thing I knew that can comfort you somehow.

You gasped when I held you closer but you didn't hesitated to return the gesture back. Both of us hugged each other like that, and it made me guilty even more. I want to help you, so badly that I don't even know how to start. 

I wanted to cry.

It was then that the thought appeared in my mind: _"To protect your One doesn't always means to risk your life for his or her safety. As the One's protector, you should brought him or her happiness and put them before yourself. But how can you do that if you're not involved to your One? For that person, he or she should be the one and only person for you. You care for this person so much. Maybe now you still don't understand what it means to be involved to your One but I know you'll understand this once you have chosen that special person someday." _

My mother used to tell me that, but I don't understand it that much. Maybe I was still young to think about that, and to be involved to someone hasn't crossed my mind yet at those times. It was then now that I realized what she means by that.

You're too important for me.

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I love you.

But do you feel the same thing to me?

I shrugged the thoughts away and proceeded to hug you closer. I closed my eyes and smiled. I don't care if you don't love me back as I do to you, as long as I could save you from that eternal nightmare you've been exploring yourself alone. Now is the time for you to be set free into that unknown world.

Because I'll be your _replacement_ from now on.

"Nokoru" I whispered to your left ear and you acknowledge it with a nod. "Can I touch your face for the _last time_?" I asked, hoping you'll allow me to do this to you. You opened your mouth in shock but you never protested and instead, just permitted me to do what you always do to me.

I smiled and started touching you. From the curves of your cheek up to that soft, golden hair of yours... I know I'll miss seeing them again. Will I able to see them again once I've done this? I hope I will, but if it means risking you, I won't rather be.

I finally stopped touching you. Looking at you for the last time, I rested my forehead against yours. For the first time, I felt like I am satisfied. Perhaps that decision is the last thing my heart was waiting for, and I'm terribly proud about that.

Now, I can be worthy for you.

I laughed softly and you asked me why, but I didn't told you about it because I'm sure you'll object whatever decision I have at this very moment.

I won't let this opportunity to pass anymore.

After a few minutes, I noticed your body began to rise and fall in a rhythmic pattern. You're sleeping again. The thing you always do to avoid the piles of paperwork that I ask you to do. I couldn't help but to laugh. It's funny how small memories could bring out such wonderful feelings again.

Perhaps, this is the right time for me to do this.

"This time, I won't fail you anymore. I promise you that." I said aloud, hoping after all, you will hear them. "Because the only happiness the protector could feel is when they're One is happy."

With that said, I sighed and took my pen in my pocket and pick for a paper. I wrote something on it, but decided to not to say it aloud, and put it in your hands. Hopefully, you'll read them once you open your eyes again for the next day.

Before I could even stand up, I found your doctor standing next to the door, and from the way he looks, it seems like he was watching us for the whole time. He was about to say something but I shook my head and looked up, golden eyes shining as I smiled at him genuinely.

"Doctor," I began, placing my hand above my beating heart. "I'm _ready_."

From the way his eyes widen in shock, I assume he understands what I mean. He then asked me whether I am sure or not, but I told him that I am sure. 

You've never hesitated in giving your own eyes away for a lady's happiness, so why would I be? As long as I can see your eyes shine again and give me the sweetest smile you have with my names on your lips, I would be happy.

Because for me, you are my joy.

And I live for your sincere smile. 

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OWARI

A/N: So how was it? Is it good? Or bad? Yes, I know that this story is kind of confusing, particularly about that _accident _I am saying. * scratches her head * Well, that's what you'll expect when someone like me wrote it around eleven in the evening... * smirk * ( Yes, this is unedited ^^. )

Anyway, here's the explanation about the accident! ^__^

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EXPLANATION: Apparently, in the story, there's this incident wherein Nokoru tried to save a lady from being hit by a car and unfortunately, both of them hit by it ^^. Both Nokoru and the lady were brought in the hospital and it was said that the lady was badly wounded, and has damaged her eyes awfully. ( Due to the glasses that were shattered from the car's window because of the impact between her and the car. ) 

Of course, being as gentleman as he is, Nokoru can't afford seeing her cry and decided to give his _own _eyes to her ^^. That's why Suoh blamed himself completely because he was unable to save/protect his One twice, so in the end, he finally decided to give his _own _eyes to Nokoru as well. ( I know it's confusing, but when I imagine this story in my mind, it works out perfectly. O___o ) 

[1] Why cold, you ask? Well, because Nokoru gave his own eyes away for that _no name _lady, his eyes were already bandaged... if you get what I mean. ^_^;;

So yeah, that was it ^^. I know that it's not good, but if I got the right drive to write again, I'll write a sequel for this ^__~. This time, it's a Nokoru POV. ( If it's still unclear for you, this fic is in Suoh's POV ^^;;. ) Anyway, reviews are always welcome but CC are always adored, so ja ne! ^___^ * Looking for a nice and kind beta-reader right now *


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